This might be coming a bit late, considering that this is already the second month of 2015. But you know what they say, ‘better late than never.’ Though never late is better. One of the things I learnt last year.
Just kidding. I learnt that a long time ago. 🙂
So I learnt myriads of things this year. And had a host of experiences. Some things I learnt anew, others I knew already were reinforced. But I didn’t just learn for all life is addition and subtraction and Life the great mathmatician took some things away too. My solid belief in some things were shaken.
Chief amongst the things I experienced was love. It is a confusing emotion to say the least. See my poem Crush for more on love. It can leave you with dual sensations. Blood rushing through your skull, and a fierce pounding in your chest that urges you to move, to act, or it can encompass you in a blanketing wave of peace and calm.
I learnt many things about it. It is fierce and strengthening. Can give you power, make you bold enough to sacrifice anything, brave any fire. But it also leaves you open, and vulnerable. Places you at the mercy of the object of your love. It is terribly powerful, an avalanche that can bury mountains. Yet incredibly soft, a trembling flame that the slightest breath will snuff out. It must in this case be cradled and cared for till it’s a blazing inferno again. But careful lest the roaring fire incinerate you.
I learnt about triumph and defeat. They are things that are not quite decided by effort alone. While it is good to abhore inaction and applaud effort, it is also good to remember that failure does not only stem from inaction or poor action. Neither does triumph from action or right action. So easy with the berating, same with the back pats. All we can do is keep trying.
Apart from these, I also learnt about people. As with love, people are two sided, double edged. They also affect you in dual ways. They will cause you pain and they will bring you joy. You cannot exclude the one. These two emotions they will bring you, even without meaning to. Sometimes their pain will bring you joy, and their joy will bring you pain. In this way, even your bitterest enemies affect you. But it is what they bring you knowingly that matters. Those who cause you pain with intent are a no no. Those who brought you joy, intendedly, rewarded in kind.
All will cause you pain though, some intentionally, most unintentionally, as you will to others. This can be done away with. It is intent that counts.
I also learnt that beauty and the beast is one person. If you are lucky you will find that one person who will be your beauty and your beast. The beauty you will love and even the beast you should understand for it is something we all have buried in us. Those who accept the beauty in you but reject the beast are to be shunned and shown a place to satisfy their cravings not for people but for sweets. For people, real people are like beer; bitter-sweet.
On life I learnt that we run from battles. There are those that would have killed us and those that would have made us heroes. But the difference between the two is unknowable. Keep guessing but never beat yourself up too badly when you guess wrong.
We keep acting out our script. Sometimes afraid to act. someone may be watching. But it is your life, not their movie.
I learnt that Brandon Sanderson is the greatest writer in the world.
I learnt about self. And it was perhaps my most important lesson. The thought that we are infallibly good or irredeemably evil is a most destructive illusion. One that will either strip us of self worth and damn us in our own eyes or have us strutting about like arrogant peacocks firmly assured of our nonexistent perfection. There is no depth man cannot sink to, and no height he cannot rise to. So constant watching and constant moving will serve to put us in a position that is best for us.
In summary I will say I loved this year. I hated too. But the moments of love far outstripped the hate. And I know which I consciously sought. And though the other reared its ugly head, I know which shone through. In the end. I lived, and I loved. Yes Love was the chiefest of my lessons and my most beautiful experience the entire year round.
I started submitting my work to online journals late last year. Yea I know I woke up late. Just one acceptance so far. So I may not be getting published majorly yet. But somebody’s been reading me even if only to reject my submissions. This at least I count as a success. See my successes. These beautiful rejections.